All Good Things Must Come To An End

With little drama and lots of tears, my marriage of 10 years ended last night.

I can't say that I didn't see it coming as we have not been "in sync" for the past year, but it is still a very hard pill to swallow. I still love him very much and am still very much willing to try to work out our problems, but when the problems really don't have to do with the actual relationship but with the growth (or lack there of) of an individual, there is nothing really to work out.

Matt and I met 10 years ago this past February. We have been basically been in each others company everyday for those 10 years, with the exception of business trips. He was 23 and I was 34. He had just moved to New York from Ohio where he grew up and went to school. As the story with most gay men growing up in a smaller, almost rural city, he's had to basically raise himself, so he was very mature for his age. I was and still am, a big kid at heart. Good match, I thought, it didn't hurt that I thought he was really cute to. In the end though this was the problem.

Matt hadn't had the chance to find himself yet. He was always responsible, he still very much is, he always had to be an adult. He never really had a chance to be a teenager or had a chance to live through his wild 20's. Instead he met me right out of college, within the first year of moving to the big city to start his career as a designer. Now that fact comes back and is the unsolvable problem with our marriage. There really is nothing I can say or do that will change the fact that Matt needs to find out who Matt is and being in this relationship he won't be able to do that. He needs to be alone as an adult to be able to find the kid in himself. As I still very much love him, I can not in all good conscience hold him back from that. That old saying "If you love someone let him go." certainly holds true in this situation. I need to let go and say goodbye to not only my partner, the love of my life, but also my best friend.

I'm still numb. I still can't believe that this part of my life is coming to an end. I can't write anything anymore at the moment. I'm still trying to digest everything.

All good things must come to an end.